Traditional Rules of Etiquette
For centuries, the rules of etiquette regarding whose name goes on the wedding invitation have been fairly straightforward. As long as both the bride and groom’s parents were married, the invitation was written and addressed to the bride’s parents, with the groom’s parents listed as the hosts of the wedding. If the groom’s parents were divorced or one had passed away, the invitation was addressed to the bride’s parents and the groom’s father. In some cases, the bride’s family would assume all of the hosting responsibilities for the wedding.
Modern Families, Modern Rules
In the 21st century, the traditional rules of etiquette on wedding invitations are no longer observed as strictly. Now more than ever, couples are choosing to write their own invitations, and this can lead to some confusion on whose name should go on the invitation. For example, if the bride and groom are paying for the wedding themselves, should they list their own names on the invitation, or should they still use the traditional wording of “Mr. and Mrs. [Bride’s Father] request the honor of your presence…”?
Another modern wrinkle is the fact that many couples are now living together before marriage. If the couple is living together, should the invitation list both of their names? What if the couple is not living together, but the groom’s parents are helping to pay for the wedding? These are all questions that couples have to consider when writing their own wedding invitations.
Who’s Hosting?
When deciding whose name goes on the wedding invitation, it’s important to remember who the hosts of the wedding are. If both the bride and groom’s parents are hosting the wedding, then both sets of parents should be listed on the invitation. If one set of parents is hosting, then the invitation should be addressed to that set of parents. In cases where the bride and groom are paying for the wedding themselves, they should be listed as the hosts on the invitation.
If the couple is living together, it is generally considered appropriate to list both of their names on the invitation, regardless of who is hosting. This is a way of acknowledging that both the bride and groom are part of the wedding and are both responsible for the wedding expenses. In this case, the invitation should be addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. [Bride and Groom]”.
Honorifics
Another factor to consider when deciding whose name goes on the wedding invitation is the use of honorifics. In many cases, the bride’s parents will be listed on the invitation as “Mr. and Mrs. [Bride’s Father]”, while the groom’s parents will be listed as “Mr. [Groom’s Father] and Mrs. [Groom’s Father]”. This is a way of acknowledging that the groom’s father is not married to the mother of the groom. In some cases, the groom’s parents may choose to use the same honorifics, such as “Mr. and Mrs. [Groom’s Father]”.
Divorced Parents
In cases where one or both of the couple’s parents are divorced, the rules of etiquette can become more complicated. Some couples choose to list both sets of parents on the invitation, regardless of who is hosting the wedding. Others choose to list only the parents who are hosting the wedding, and simply acknowledge the other set of parents in the wedding program.
In cases where one parent has passed away, the invitation should be addressed to the surviving parent. If the bride’s father has passed away, the invitation should be addressed to “Mrs. [Bride’s Mother]”. If the groom’s father has passed away, the invitation should be addressed to “Mr. [Groom’s Mother] and Mrs. [Groom’s Mother]”.
The Bottom Line
When it comes to whose name goes on the wedding invitation, there are no hard and fast rules. Ultimately, the decision is up to the couple and their families. As long as everyone is in agreement, there is no “right” or “wrong” way to address the invitation. Couples should use their best judgment and choose the wording that best reflects their individual circumstances.
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